A Lesson Learned from Nik Wallenda

Wake up, go to work, bill hours, volunteer, answer personal emails, return personal calls, get together with friends and family, enjoy hobbies when possible, eat, sleep, repeat. Managing daily life is a balancing act that often feels like a complex high wire routine. Usually, I maintain a pretty good equilibrium by ensuring each element gets the right amount of attention to make the rest of the routine work. Unfortunately, when things get hectic and I start to lose balance, my social life is the first element to suffer.

When I started graduate school this year, the social impact was immediate. Suddenly, the majority of my already limited free time was spent attending class, reading and doing homework. Free Saturdays were reduced to once a month, and open weeknights became a rarity. My equilibrium was off and along with trying to remember how to be a student again, I realized I was faced with a dilemma of how to maintain a social life and attend school at the same time.

While pondering the solution, a revelation came to me from a very unlikely source. A few weeks ago I was sucked into watching a seemingly ridiculous segment on the “Today” show where “famous” daredevil Nik Wallenda performed a live, death defying hire wire stunt. At one point, a sudden gust of wind nearly blew him off the wire. Nik paused for what seemed like an eternity, then successfully completed his walk. Later, when asked about how he overcame the near death experience, Nik indicated he simply had to refocus, rebalance and get moving again.

Now, I wouldn’t say that Nik was oozing with wisdom, but thinking back on this I did learn a lesson – harmonizing my social life with graduate school is all about modifying my routine, regaining my balance and moving forward. It’s that simple.

Number fifty-six

Am I still alive?

How does graduate school affect your social/family life?

It depends. First of all the question is to define which one will be affected the most. Then, once you have figured it out, make a comparison analysis to stimulate your thinking and, more importantly, empower yourself to achieve and retain at least one. In my case, it's family life. The challenge is not only balancing your life, but more importantly, keeping your life together with a million dollar smile! Now I have to answer a difficult question: Do I still have a life?

As a working professional, husband, and father of four children, I am obsessed with earning my second Master’s degree. I am lucky to still be married. My goal is to NOT get divorced while I am back in graduate school. Already my wife has complaint about my obsession (I THINK MY WIFE IS JELOUS OF GRADUATE SCHOOL), this normally happens on Fridays night for I just can’t go out and have a social-married life with her. For my advantage, she has already earned her Masters degree so she is not complaining about the fact that I am earning a Master's degree, but a second one. I know, it's hard to believe. I have brought this concern to my attention and I can only find one answer: I LOVE graduate school! Graduate School is a way of life and I love it!

- ID #27

"Make It Work"

balance - the ability to carefully weigh two or more lifestyles.

it exists. i live it. i embrace it. in fact, right at this very moment, i'm pondering on how my life would unfold without a very important friend (VIF) who's celebrating perhaps the most insignificant birthday of her life - twenty something - right now. longing for a glass of wine, italian aromas, and family style atmosphere, i instead sit here in pursuit of a lifelong dream - my MA. but Tim Gunn has taught me how to, "Make it work."

since september, life has been unpredictable: new job, new school, new home, but old friends. it's been phenomenal and entering back in the metropolitan area with a whole new attitude has indeed sparked some self awareness. there was a time when "social life" meant football games, parties, amusement parks, and drinking. but throughout my transformation, i am pleased to know that social life is not an escape route, but rather purposeful interaction. so on those off days (which i force myself to carve out), i may gather with friends or family around an intimate table in a cozy setting, sip pumpkin chai, and discuss the victory of an incredible man (obama)- the opportune time to share what i've learned and how it applies to our casual conversation. that's my new social life.

there's this great book that i think clearly defines what to do when in doubt of socializing, "Eat,drink, and be drunk in love." it's the book of Song of Songs (The Bible). in essence, the marriage of the two - social life and grad school - has stimulated my mind and elevated my relationships. what's not to love about the balance of grad school and social life. they're inseparable.

Speak soon; off to my reservations.

-fifty one

Graduate school and a social life - an oxymoron?

According to Succeedsocially.com achieving a social life is fairly simple if you have the basics. They are:
• A fairly decent personality
• Knowledge of how to make friends
• Enough guts to invite people out fairly easily
• Enough internal desire to have a group of friends
• You like other people
Let me add one more item to the list:
• You aren’t in graduate school

Graduate school not only provides you with the opportunity to further your knowledge. It also keeps you busy and in some ways provides an escape from your current reality. It is demanding and time consuming. Graduate school is an excellent excuse for not having a social life. However, suppose you didn’t have one before?

Truthfully, I believe it is possible to have a social life when in graduate school. Like everything else, it just needs to be a priority. The challenge is I have so many priorities. First and foremost is to find a job and close on my house in Florida. Next is to do well in school and keep up with the assignments. Then there is taking care of my dog and myself, finding a good yoga class, finding a good church, maintaining the car, etc. The list of priorities goes on, so where in the list of priorities should “having a social life” fall?

I cannot blame graduate school for not having a social life. It’s just one more priority I need to consider. And if I really wanted a social life I could give up my facebook time. Then again, a social life is so highly overrated.

- ID #54

Social Life? What the heck is that!?!?

Here's an example of how hard the balance REALLY is:

After rushing to get dressed and bathe/feed my son before dashing off to the 7:45am church service (that I was late for), I was reprimanded by my mother because I was late to my little sister's cheerleading competition. When I got home from the competition (that I had to leave early), my husband was pulling out of our garage because he'd gotten sick of waiting for me to get home (from the competition) so that we could take our son to a birthday party. To make matters worse, I was forced to cancel a business meeting with a long-time friend because, as expected, the birthday party ran over it's end time. Oh, and I have to ?.. (was that confusing?)

This, unfortunately, is the story of my life. Sometimes I wonder why, at the age of 24, God gave me so much responsibility. Then, I realize that He did it for a reason. Playing the balancing game is tough, but with careful planning, it can all be done. While I refuse to cut down on family time, I've limited social time to every other week, and my real friends understand that school makes it harder for me to hang out as much. They admire the fact that I'm dedicating time to making myself better. At the same token, I've made it very clear to the hubby that when I do decide to go out with the girlfriends, I don't expect to hear any flack from him. We are both in school, so we understand the importance of breaking free from time to time.

Graduate school is not only a commitment for me, but it's a commitment for everyone around me. Once the entire familial circle commits to the positive change that school will bring, all those involved will have an easier time adjusting. I know its made things easier for us.

***That's a pic of my son on Halloween, dressed as Barack Obama. We were sure to be home by 9pm, so that I could read and prepare for class the next morning.***

#23

Balancing the blame: Social life and grad school

Social life? Ha! What's that? To be fair, though, I have to admit I didn't have much of one even before I started grad school. Now that I have even less time to come out of my bat cave to mingle or, God forbid—date, I'm comfortably and convincingly using grad school as a scapegoat for my suffering social life. When my friends and family (who are all out of town) ask me if I ever go out, I say I don’t have time because I work Monday-Friday, go to school every Saturday, and do housekeeping on Sunday. I say “comfortably” because honestly, I don't feel deprived or like I'm missing out on anything. I'm perfectly happy with my monotonous, routine-based life that consists of work, home, and school. I’m very busy with these three elements, but so are my cohorts. If some of them balance all of the above AND have a family to take care of every day, then I can most definitely find the time to come out of my hermit shell and reacquaint myself with society. Enrolling in grad school was a step toward digging myself out of this socially-deprived coma I’ve been in since returning from Iraq the second time. Now I have to find the courage to shift the blame back to where it belongs: me. But that's the easy part! Once I’ve accepted the blame, I have to work on the hardest part of it all: actually DOING something about it.
-Misha-